Roundabout
by robync
Summary: When two are one but one is separated from another, sometimes they are bound to meet again and again, and try until things work out. The thing about meeting your significant other at the incredibly young age of 9 and then losing it when you're 15 is that you have a lot of time to try things through, live life, make mistakes and fix them, too. Except time is running out, isn't it?
1. Prologue

**A/N: **LISTEN UP FOLKS THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!

So! This is my first attempt on actually writing something other than one-shots! (oh, and a big bright thank you to everyone who reviewed on Switch and stuff btw, you guys are all cuties and im so sorry I get to provide only with so much as angst ahhh) I plan on having this a bit long but I can't promise anything as I don't really have much spare time to write anymore... BUT, here I am anyway.

This story, somewhat AU, is mainly placed on the 90's but it starts off on the 80's. It's not gonna be really linear, so be aware of the time jumps and stuff, especially around the first chapters! The story evolves around Oz, Gilbert and Alice (the last one to be introduced later).

Things are to get heavy at some point (I said it), but for now it's more of a know-who... Introducing, I guess. I plan on posting a chapter every three weeks or something, but it all depends on how far off I've written /so we can be on safe grounds and thin down the chances of me dropping out of the thing before it gets good.

very important thing:** this is not the first chapter, it's a prologue.**

I hope we get to make this through, somehow! I'm all fired up!

um, the only beta'ed this is is not beta'ed. If anyone cares to volunteer as for the next chapters it'd be really sweet! PM me or smth, idk how this works. Reviews, favorites and follows make my cold heart light up with joy at all times! Now, take a seat, get some snacks and pray it's gonna be ok.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pandora Hearts, really.

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**_Sometime around 1980; _**

**_Prologue._**

**_... ... ..._**

The first morning light rays seeped into the room through the window on the young blonde's bedroom.

Such quiet morning was quite unusual at that place of the city… what with the train station right on the other street across them? Even though the warmth of the sun light was so soft and the street noise so faint like it was never there, the boy woke up. His mind awoke before his body really did, a tad bit tired and overall lazy. He tried guessing the time, opening his eyes just enough to make out the form of things around him. The covers were spread around his body, the dark blue of the sheets blending with the light green of his sleepwear, but comfortable nonetheless.

Closing his eyes again, the boy pondered over why was he awake so early in a… yeah, that's right, in a Saturday morning during summer vacations.

He decided to turn around and go back to sleep, but something about the inviting calmness of the morning made his mind ache and his heart race to see a bit of landscape and enjoy the rare opportunity of having both silence and a dawn-colored sky.

The boy got up, slipped in some sneakers, smoothed his hair a little and walked out of his bedroom. Ever since his 5 years, Oz had been used to taking lonely walks around the block during the early mornings. It was not like his uncle would ever stop him… actually, no one but the boy himself knew of these walks.

He opened the door, took a deep breath and then stepped out of the house.

By the faint orange still forming in the sky, Oz took it as something around 5 in the morning or so. The boy started his way, a steady and slow pace, as he had no intention of hurrying back home. As the lack of noise had told him before, the streets were deserted. Oz liked it like that, this way people wouldn't bother asking him what a nine years old kid was doing alone at the street in such hour, or telling him how dangerous it could be for him as he was so young. He didn't need to be told these, this much he knew. Even though he was so young, in fact, he was fast, if anyone were to try running after him, he would have already hidden somewhere. He kept his pace, just walking, appreciating the somehow different air that morning seemed to have. It did feel different, a sort of alarming different, a warning something was about to happen. At least it felt like it.

By the time Oz was making his way back, the sun had already risen up and slowly things seemed to grow back to the normal, which is, noisy. Walking absently minded with his hands in his pockets, he focused his sight a little and could already spot his house from a certain distance.  
The thing was, he didn't feel like coming back… not just yet. He knew if he came back, Ada would probably be still asleep, his uncle busy with his work matters and the only person left would be Missus Kate, the housekeeper they had hired after Oz's mom passed away.  
He wished something interesting could happen, but just what of interesting could happen in such boring place?

He was about to turn around and go back somewhere else, but that was when he saw it; in the small playground there was in front of his yard. Alone in the double swing-set, a tiny and apparently quite wounded, thin boy, his black hair all messy and… why was he holding his hands in such a way? He seemed in pain.

Oz couldn't just walk past him and pretend he hadn't seen him. He did, and he hadn't intended on going back home anyway.  
He turned around and made his way towards the swing-set, determined to know what happened to the poor thing, or if… well, he didn't really knew, he felt the urge to do so and there he was.

His steps grew faster by the moment, somehow he felt like time itself was moving too slow, so he had to hurry up. What had been a normal paced walk soon turned into a jog and then careful steps as he approached the boy.

"Hey…"

He didn't knew what to expect. Maybe for the boy to bark at him to get out and leave him alone, or maybe just ignore him… but he hadn't been prepared for what had just happened.

As the words left his mouth, the world around him seemed to shut down. The thin boy moved his hands away from his head, and slowly looked up at him, through tears.

Oz breath was caught in his chest, the boy's stare lingering in his face just for a second until he looked down again and came back to his initial position, pacing in the seat with both hands tied in his hair.

"Hey, hey, why… why are you crying? What happened?"

No response, the boy just shook his head.

"What's your name? Come on, talk to me, please…"

Again, nothing.

Oz knelt in the harsh grass and then tried taking the boy's hands away from his face. The boy gave him a scared shriek and let a sob come out, but Oz managed to get his hands out from his face.

Again, Oz forgot what breathing was like, for the boy's face did that to him.

His tears-strained rosy cheeks, lips closed in a thin line, and eyes… those eyes, Oz had never seen eyes with that color! They were wide, and the hue of golden in those irises… was it really possible to have eyes like that? So beautiful.

Still, his expression was one of fear, one of confusion, hurt and something else Oz was not sure how to describe.

"I… m-my name… is Gilbert."

Oh.

What a cute name.

"Why are you crying, Gilbert?"

The boy hesitated, then moved his hands away from Oz's, letting them fall at his lap. He looked around, like searching for the right words. Oz let him take his time.

"I… I don't think I can t-tell you…"

"Why not?"

Gilbert's eyes narrowed, his sight set on Oz. He looked puzzled. Oz bit his bottom lip. What, why was he looking at him like that? The accusation in his eyes was clear.

"What exactly… Why are you here, what do you want with me?"

The words weren't half as mean as they sounded, when coming from that boy's mouth.

Oz pondered over the question… well, it was true that he just met the boy, maybe he didn't even had the right to ask such things but… something about finding the boy there, something about his behavior and… all about him, seemed to be just what that quiet morning was warning him of earlier. There he was, the interesting change of routine he looked for.

"Because… well, you know, we could be friends. And it's a friend's duty to protect and be there for his another friend… come on Gilbert, trust me. What happened to you?"

Oz wasn't really sure what prompted that, but it seemed to work. Gilbert fidgeted one last time, looking around as if to be sure no one else but Oz was there, and then sighed.

"I… don't know."

Ah. He started crying again. Oz panicked, afraid he would cry too.

"Hey, no, don't cry..! What do you mean you 'don't know'?"

"I d-d-don't know! I can't remember anything b-but my n-name! I woke up… and I was here..." The boy said between sobs and tears, trying to make Oz understand something even he himself didn't.

But somehow, Oz understood. And believed in him. It didn't seem as if he would lie about it, so… "Do you have a place to stay, like, until you remember things?"

The boy wiped his tears away, shaking his head.

Oh…

"Do you want to come over to my house? You can stay there if you want to."

At first the boy looked at Oz like the blonde had spoken in another language, and then he blushed, his golden eyes wide and uncertain. Oz himself wasn't sure what made him ask it, but it seemed the right thing to do. And, besides, it was not like anyone would oppose to it in his house; his uncle was probably going to welcome the boy as a nephew, Ada wouldn't really understand what was going on but would be happy to have someone else to play with… and about Missus Kate… she would probably not be very pleased with it, but who cares.

Oz got up, holding out his hand for Gilbert to take.

"So, are you coming?"

Gilbert smiled a little, what made Oz smile as well, and nodded, taking the hand Oz had offered him.

"Hey, may I call you 'Gil' instead of Gilbert?" Oz asked as they crossed the street, looking back only to see the boy blushing again. How cute.

"I-i guess so…"

"Giiil~"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, just testing it."

"Oh"

"How old are you, Gil? I think you're 8, because you're just too cute to be older than me." Oz chuckled as Gilbert stuttered something about not being cute, and soon they were already at Oz's doorstep.

"Well, we're here."

Oz turned the knob and opened the door, gesticulating for Gil to get in first. The boy hesitated, but obliged anyway. Gil looked around, amazed by how well furnished the place was, and clean, and huge. Oz chuckled again, and led the boy to his own bedroom.

"You should take a bath, your clothes are all dirty with… is that blood?"

The boy looked at his own clothes, and then mumbled something Oz didn't really catch, but nodded.

"So, stay here while I go find Missus Kate and ask her to prepare a bath. Feel free to look around, but don't leave my room until I come back, okay?" The boy nodded, and then Oz left.

Oz couldn't help, but feel content with having the boy there. Whatever it was that would happen, he knew from second one the boy would change his life.

He just wasn't sure how much.


	2. 1981, Fall - Chapter One

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**1981. Fall, around 4 weeks until Winter;**

**Chapter One**

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .**

_"Hey Gil, do you believe it has already been 2 years since that day in the playground?"_

The blonde kicked his shoes somewhere in his bedroom. Actually, his shared bedroom with Gilbert.

"Really? It feels like more."

"What? Is that so? I thought you thought it seemed less?"

"Sorry about it, master. If you say so then i-"

"Come on now, I was joking that day when I said you should see me as your master and all that! Don't begin with that name again, _Giiiil_, or I'll have to get a cat."

Oz laughed as Gilbert got on his knees and pleaded for the older boy to forgive him and forget about the cat thing.

2 years, and the best two years in Oz's life ever since he could remember. His uncle had really been fine with Gil living there with them until he got his memories back or something. But the thing was: it never happened. Not yet, and they kind of got so attached to him that it didn't matter anymore, as he was now part of the family. Oz felt bad about it, but sometimes one has the right to be a little egoist. He didn't want the boy to go away, just who would he tease now and then if Gil left?

And, the boy seemed to like his life there.

They frequented school together, but Gil was a year younger than Oz, so not the same classes. But that didn't stop Oz from barging in his classroom so often just to make the boy blush and stutter and get all embarrassed for God knows what. His uncle didn't thought it was necessary for Gilbert to have another room, as Oz's one was big enough for both. Thus, the two beds and such. Gil said he was glad of just being there, and Oz saw no problem in sharing it with Gilbert.

Oz laid down in his bed, and put his arm to cover his eyes. He wanted to do something. With Gil.

"Are you alright, Oz?"

Oz snapped back to reality and turned to his side, facing Gil.

"Gil, wanna go out with me?"

As if someone had pulled the trigger, Gilbert's face already a little red from running back home darkened five times more, and he began stuttering incoherently.

Oz laughed, such a sight to see.

"W-what, wh-why? I-i-i don't thi-think we should, y-yeah?"

Oz didn't mean going out like that; just playing outside. Yet he chose these words just for the sake of teasing. He then got up and patted Gilbert in the head.

"I didn't mean it like that, silly. Come on, race you to the playground, huh?" And he left, not even running, as he knew Gil would still be there in his spot trying to assimilate what the boy had just said. If he closed his eyes he would almost be able to hear the sound of Gilbert covering his face with his hands of embarrassment, he sighed.

And then ran, as he knew Gil was probably going to come after him at any moment.

He skipped some halls and then passed through Ada's bedroom, heading straight to the kitchen and then opening the door so fast it almost broke. Outside, alright. He then stopped to catch his breath, Gil wouldn't be so fast. Looking around, Oz found things as normal as ever. It was calm, there still were children playing around, the same as always. He then crossed the street, reaching the playground and sitting at the nearest swingset seat.

The cloudy sky was still beautiful even though he liked it better the sunny days. It was not a sunny day, however.

Gil would come out of the door at any moment now. He would tease him about not being fast enough. Gil would make a cute face. He would tell Gil that. Gil would…

Oz saw the door open, and Gil stop to catch his breath the same way he had earlier. He watched the boy with expectant eyes, waiting for the boy to come. Gil then looked around, searching for him, he guessed. Then their eyes met. Oz smiled, Gil's face was all red now, how cute. He motioned with his hand for Gil to come sit with him, but then Gil looked as if he was scared, worried.

And then Oz felt it.

A hand gripped his arm, other covered his mouth and nose, the latter also holding some kind of fabric soaked in…

He felt sleepy, he felt in panic. This was not what he wanted, he had to come back home, he had to! He was fighting so hard within himself not to fall asleep, to scream, to ask for help, for Gil to… Gil! What would happen to the boy, were they going to get him too? Oz panicked, slowly spiraling down into sleep. His eyes felt heavy, his body seemed so much more tired… he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. Before his mind shut down completely, he felt his body being carried. He heard voices, voices sloppy and unintelligible, voices he couldn't recognize. And with a last silent scream for help, he passed out.

... ...

His head felt heavy with running blood and exhaustion. The sickening sweet aroma of whatever it was he had inhaled earlier still lingering inside his nostrils, elapsing and convulsing his senses and his mind.

Where was he now?

He tried to open his eyes, but he still felt so tired… so tired… Instead of holding on to that, the blonde decided to focus his mind, try to hear the place around.

"…going to be alright?"

"… I think so … might be in shock for a …"

"… other kid … is he?"

He could only catch parts of the conversation, still too sleepy and weak for anything… but he did recognize some of the voices. It seemed like his uncle, Missus Kate and someone else he wasn't really familiar with… but if his uncle and Missus Kate were there, then…

Steady, slowly, he felt his body around; deciphering the place he was lying on. His finger skimmed what seemed like… sheets. He was in his bed, then. And with no previous warning, it shot him. All the memories from back then came in a rush, and he trembled.

Fear.

He panicked again, how many hours had he been blacked out? And how did he get back home?

"Oz? Oz, calm down." His uncle soothed his hair, trying to calm him down, but he wasn't sure himself why exactly he was panicking all over again, if he was home.

"Uncle… what happened with me..? Why…" his voice trailed down, he was going to cry.

"Oz rest a little more, later we'll explain everything, okay?" His uncle's tone seemed serious, not scolding but ordering.

"Okay."

He then obliged, and forced his mind to shut down again.

... ...

With a soft sigh, Oz woke up. Stretched out his arms, his small hands and slowly opened his eyes.

His room.

"Good morning, Oz."

He slowly turned his head, then facing his uncle. He wasn't sure what to say, or to ask. His mind wasn't as fogged by fear and memories now. He had slept… he was still worried though, how long had..

"You've slept for 2 days."

Oh.

"How are you feeling?"

Oz closed his eyes and laid back again. He felt… numb. No more panic or fear, just plain nothing. It had happened, he had came back home, as it seemed everyone was fine…

"Just as I thought. Haha, there really is no point in being a puddle of worry, the best thing we can do at times like this is be calm and see things as they are, haha!" His uncle said, lighting up a cigarette and laughing here and there.

Oz opened one eye, feeling slightly relaxed at the familiar tone, and then turned fully to the side, looking at his uncle. "Uncle Oscar, why did they try kidnapping me?" he finally asked, confused for real about why had it all happened. He felt like asking more things, but patience was the best way out when dealing with his uncle.

"Well, I had said we would explain everything later didn't I? Guess now is 'later' then, haha… well, Oz, you see… your father…" his uncle stopped then, feeling as Oz's shoulders tensed at the mention of his dad.

It had been around a whole year since his father had last came to see him, always away in the excuse of work matters, and when around, avoiding Oz also in the excuse of work matters. Oz grew up into the belief of, if he worked hard enough, studied as much as possible and if he was the perfect son, then his father finally would make time to come and spend the day with him. He was always a busy man. That's why Oz was so dedicated to studying. His grades were always high, and by no means he would miss classes if he didn't have a reason to.

He still wanted to make his father proud by having him.

"…so, as you know, your father is a big business man and he runs the Vessalius part inside of that huge corporation, right? Well… you're grown up now, you understand the dangers of being great. As you also know, most of their projects are made with basically 4 big companies, which are: Vessalius, for pieces production and design; Rainsworth, for marketing and publicity; Barma, for technology supplies and… the Nightray, who come up with the money. Since the corporation was funded, the Vessalius and the Nightray had not been on good terms with each other. There have been endless threats from them towards our company, but since we couldn't afford to make a scene, we've been quiet about it, though they have quite this dark reputation…

"Anyway, this brawl still has been going on, and… I highly believe your kidnapping has something to do with the Nightrays. Right after the man took you out, Gil came running back to me and informed me of what had happened, with some help from a friend I was able to find the hiding spot and we've brought you back home… according to the authorities, there wasn't anyone around the place and they didn't find any proof that could led to someone but… I've known about the last threats from the Nightray company and… yeah, it does seem like something they'd do."

Oz stood still, processing all the information his uncle had just provided him. He had known for a while now about the Vessalius-Nightray thing but he didn't expect it to be so serious. He thought over it for some minutes, but then a rumbling stomach interrupted his train of thought.

He was so hungry.

"Ah, I knew this was coming. Well, we've talked about problems enough for a day, right? So, you can rest a little more while I go get your lunch, Missus Kate must be already done with it by now. Stay here, okay?" His uncle smiled as he got up, ruffled his hair a little and then left.

Oz smiled, took a look out of the window, and then something hit him like a bullet.

Where was Gilbert?

He hadn't seen the boy since the incident, and his uncle hadn't said anything besides that he was fine… but was he, really?

Oz called his name to see if he wasn't hidden somewhere in the room, he had done it once, but nothing. Just as he was about to get out from bed and look for the boy, his uncle came back, bringing the boy himself with him.

"Gil!" Oz couldn't help but shout the boy's name as a smile made its way to his face.

Gil smiled too, his cheeks getting a little pink from… blushing? God, the boy got flustered so easy! But Oz easily spotted the dark bags under his eyes, and his eyes themselves… were a little red. He had probably been crying and hadn't slept right. It took Oz back to Gil's first days there. He used to cry a lot before sleeping, and always woke up like this, until a night Oz decided to share the bed with him, and held him until he fell asleep. He teased him a lot the morning after, but his eyes weren't as red and he hadn't cried once. The nights after that Gil didn't cry anymore, but neither had it been necessary for Oz to sleep with him again. It seemed like Gil just needed to know he wasn't alone, then he calmed down.

Oz suspected though that now, Gilbert had been worrying and sulking over what happened to him.

"So, I'll leave you boys for now, have lunch then go play a little. See you later, 'kay?" His uncle patted Gil's head and left the food by the nightstand, giving Oz a kiss in the forehead and then closing the door behind him.

Oz sighed, more than eager to eat, but stopped as soon as Gil sat himself by his own bed.

"What is it, Gil? Are you okay?"

The boy joined knees in front of his chest and supported his head with his arms, a sad look in his smiling face. He seemed really tired.

Oz stared at him. It took five whole minutes before he opened his mouth to speak, his voice soft and quiet.

"I… why do bad things always happens to you and I'm never able to protect you from them?"

Oz blinked. Gil seemed so exhausted. Both physic and emotionally.

"Hey… don't say things like that, of course you did something that helped me! From what uncle told me, if it weren't for you I'd probably be still being held captive or something!" Oz said, his hands tugging at the sheets, not standing to see Gil so collected and certain about something so foolish. How could he think like that? Oz wanted to slap him for saying something so awful.

Gil looked at him, and Oz felt his heart clench in his chest at how drained he seemed. His mouth curved into a small sad smile, and he laid down. "Please, eat. I made the juice myself…" his voice trailed off, as he seemed to fall asleep.

Oz was astonished. Gil…

He sighed, and started eating his chicken soup, occasionally sipping at the orange juice Gil made him. Something about it all seemed off to Oz, but he decided to leave it for another day.

It had really been too much for half a week.


	3. 1981, Winter - Chapter Two

Hey everyone! Happy Halloween!

Lots happened but this chap is really long tho, a lot longer than what I'm used to write. I love that you guys like Gil, he's really sweet and I'm trying my best to keep him in character, so I guess it's only natural, haha

ANYWAY, tonight's chapter has got some surprises and _**MAYBE**_ quite some advance through the thing, I mean, a very special scene we all know and that's gonna change some points a bit, though I'm not promising anything.

Good luck dealing with your feelings through this and enjoy!

2SPOOKY & SPOOKY OUT, see you guys in two weeks (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

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**1981. Beginning of Winter;**

**Chapter Two**

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It had been four weeks since all that mess. Winter came around, leaving everything the sun touched covered in snow and the weather really cold.

Both Oz and Gil stood home that week. School had been closed due the heavy snow, and vacations were just days away, so the principal decided it was okay to just spare them the whole week as well. Oz, however, was studying more than ever. His uncle had announced earlier that week that his father would come home for a day. Oz had been really enthusiastic about it, hoping to finally get his father to acknowledge his efforts.

Then when Gil entered the room that morning carrying a tray with tea and cake, and asked why was he still studying even though they were supposed to be resting from it, he answered as he always did when asked that:

"Gil, whenever we say we've studied enough, it's because we clearly haven't. The more I study, the more my dad might praise me for it, and besides, what else would I be doing if not studying?"

"Uhh, we're 12, maybe playing or something?" Gil said politely, looking Oz from the corner of his eye as he poured tea down the cup.

"Ooh, I get it now..." Oz smiled mischievously and closed his book, resting his head on his hand, "does Gil wants to play with me outside, then?" He then asked, already amused with Gil's shriek and flushed cheeks.

"Young Master Oz!" Gil addressed him with the overwhelming nickname, then turned to face him with a funny face, that was actually just him trying to be serious but failing as he was just too cute to be serious, "How can you even suggest such thing, when only four weeks ago you were almost held captive by the Nightrays when they attempted kidnapping you!"

Oz watched as Gil muttered something about Oz being too calm about it.

He sighed, looking outside the window. The landscape was really something else when covered by snow. And it kept on falling... falling... falling.

"Well... there is just no point in worrying over it anymore, right?" Green then gazed softly into golden, as a sad smile adorned the blonde's features, his tone certain, "I think that... I'll just end up accepting whoever betrays me, because that's how the world is. People never hold on to their promises, it is something we have to get used to."

Silence took over the surroundings, as Oz kept staring not at Gil, but at some abstract point. The snow fell steady and slowly outside. The sky was grey. The nearby train rail a silent highway covered in white.

A quiet chink broke the silence, as Gil put down the kettle and stood facing the tray, for the first time in months his face unreadable and stoic.

"No, young master. You're wrong."

The words snapped Oz back to reality, pulling him from the blank thoughts haze he was in.

His eyes darted from the window to Gilbert, then his book, eventually to Gilbert again and then back to his book. The other boy made his way slowly to the side of his armchair, as Oz watched from the corner of his eye, his heart beating stubbornly faster, he didn't want to know why.

"You know... I really, really, like being here. I just can't put to words how grateful I am for you taking me in that day, in the playground..." Oz watched as Gil smiled softly, his cheeks a bit more colored, his golden eyes half lidded as if he were really relaxed; Oz himself felt his face heating up. He still didn't want to know why "...it's true that people do break their promises from time to time... but, I don't feel like everyone has to be like that. And... I want to prove you that... that I won't break my promises."

Oz felt like hiding his face in his book. What was Gilbert saying anyway?

He watched the young raven kneel in front of him, a hand reaching for his own, the other above his heart. Oz didn't move, tried muttering a "_what__ are you doing_" but his words came out a messy bunch of nothing. Gilbert didn't seem to care anyway. Oz froze as the hand grasped his own.

"So... even if in the future our paths may differ, and you might not want me around anymore... I promise that I'll stay loyal to you. I swear I'm never going to betray you, or hurt you, or leave you. I promise to stay by your side, forever, and then when this forever ends, one more. Please just... believe in me?"

Golden eyes were glimmering, Oz knew he was holding back the tears. _Always so overly emotional_. His face unreadable again, a light blush covering his cheeks and nose. He closed his eyes, and gripped Oz's hands tighter, making Oz come down from the high he got in watching such intense show Gilbert was providing him with. It was hard not to stare, hard not to hold his own breath.  
All that the boy said... all of a sudden...

Oz's heart pounded into his rib-cage. He didn't know what to say, but Gilbert seemed to be waiting for an answer.

It was just too much.

"Gil... knows that I don't believe in forever..."

The other boy gave a small smile, a single tear stubbornly rolling down his cheeks, and let go of the blond's warm hand. He fell back down to the floor, sitting with one leg stretched and the other bent on his knee, holding it while he rested his chin atop of it.

"I know... I just wanted to let you know anyway... one of us has to believe, right?"

Oz hid his face in the book he was reading, pretending not to be flustered up and about to stutter if he opened his mouth to speak. Minutes passed by, until the boy got up and headed back to the tray, silence overtaking the room. Oz stared outside the window, his stomach swirling for reasons he didn't want to listen.

What got into the boy, all of a sudden saying all those things?

Oz sighed, a long and frustrated sigh he didn't intend to make come out so loud. Still, it did, and got Gilbert turning around in awe. Oz kept silent, not as flustered anymore, but still...

"And... I read somewhere once that... people better connect with each other... when they go through darkness... I really do think we were never bound by light anyway... so... I hope you still want to keep me around when we get older... so I can... make more vows... with. ..you."

Oz could see the boy fidgeting with his words as each sentence made its way out of his system. Oz also felt the hesitation in his eyes, the same look he always had when saying something after he had kept it bottled up for a long time. Oz also heard his fists curled around the sides of his body, trembling with shyness.

Oz, above all, could taste in his insides all the effects that the speech had on both of them.

While it left him dumbstruck, Gilbert radiated embarrassment.

He tried saying something, anything, to break the awkward atmosphere that encompassed them. All that came out was a spluttered excuse for a noise. And then Gilbert stuttered a "_I'm sorry_" and dashed out of the room, almost breaking the doorknob as he clumsily tried opening it way faster than he should. And then a bang. And Oz was left alone inside the room.

His face as red as he ever recalled it being, and his mind running wild inside his brain.

What had just happened?

He could hear his heart beating fast, could feel his heart beating fast, could almost taste the blood gushing around wildly from his heart and to his whole body.

_Ba-dump_  
_Ba-dump_  
_Ba-dump_

_Open-close-open-close-open-close-open_

_Not steady. Messy. Fast. Messy. Fast. Not steady. Fast. Messy. Messy. Not Steady. Fast. Not steady._

And then he got lost in the sound making a symphony with the mixed up words he had heard earlier.

Forever? It was such a long time...

Darkness? What the hell did he mean with that?

_Open-close-open-close-open-close_

Why?

And then gradually the confusion wore off from his system, leaving him just embarrassed and really frustrated.

Both because Gilbert was such an idiot, saying all of that, like if it would make any difference... and because slowly it had him believing his words.

Oz got up and walked to the forgotten tray the boy left behind and helped himself a slice of the chocolate covered vanilla flavored sweet, leaving the tea untouched as it was cold by now, and then heading back to his armchair. He ate up the cake, muttering meaningless things about "_stupid raven haired boys that thought they owned the world_" between bites.

The book he had been reading laid forgotten, as Oz decided to take a walk. It had been quite a long time since his last walk in the neighborhood. His walks had become less and less frequent ever since Gilbert came around. He didn't need them, unless something really bothered him or if time alone made itself needed, to shut down from everything around him.

He took the tray from the table and walked towards the door. The hallway was silent, except for the sounds coming from his younger sister's room. She was really noisy sometimes, tea parties with dolls and all. Holding the tray firmly he walked past his and Gilbert's room, the boy wasn't there, Oz noted, and then rushed downstairs to the kitchen. Missus Kate was doing the dishes calmly, as she always did before lunch.

"Hey Missus Kate, do you think Uncle would mind if I got to check on our basement about the toys Ada left there the other day?"

"But young master Oz! It's snowing! What if you catch a cold or pass out? Send Gilbert there if she's so desperate."

Oz bit his lip in frustration. The woman didn't even try hiding her distaste for the boy.

"That doesn't even makes sense! Besides, Gil is busy right now anyway, so I'm going."

The tray with cold tea and empty plates in the counter top, he left the kitchen in a hurry, running upstairs back to his room. He didn't even bother to close the door, he would be quick.

Green eyes scanned over the room looking for the closest hoodie within reach. It was true it was snowing, but he was already using long-sleeved blouses, the least thing he was going to do was freeze to death. Hanging in the chair at the corner of the room, there was one. He took and wore it without wasting time looking if his hair was messy, he jogged out of his room and downstairs again, opening the front door and then reaching for his set of keys he kept hidden under the garden lamp-post bushes.

He ran past some houses and then slowed down to a steady pace, just casually walking.

His brain settled for something in between taking in the surroundings and blank thought waves, spraying his mind with landscape and random things he didn't thought about often. It was both strangely calming and remotely irrelevant.

It had him entertained.

His eyes unfocused, the snow falling around him, on him, and the streets not half as filled as he remembered. Maybe it was the winter.  
Deciding against having his hair weathered by snow, he pulled the hood over his head, then stuffing his bare hands inside his pockets. Makeshift gloves, it would do for the time being. Half an hour and different streets passed as he pondered over what would it feel like if it was back in the 1870's, the winter. Would it be this cold too?

He kept on walking, the streets were busier now. There were more people and more sounds. Absently minded he noted he had taken a path downtown, where the business buildings started to make themselves the rule, stores and cafés all over.

He had heard the other day that somewhere near the open market avenue a small thrift shop had just opened. He had a thing for these kind of stuff. He felt like going to take a look, though he wouldn't buy anything.

As he tried remembering the reason he left his wallet home, he was staring into a store showcase. He could see his reflection in the turned off televisions. Could see the cars passing by too. Could see the people walking by. Lots of people would stop to watch the news in the few that were turned on. He looked back to his own reflected image. His hair truly was a mess under the hood, and his nose and cheeks a little red from the cold. He tried smothering up a little his hair, taking off the hood and letting it fall back in place. And then as he was admiring the contrast between his golden hair and his apple-green hoodie, matching his emerald-green eyes, all colors faded by the black mirrored screen, he saw it.

Idle due the traffic-lights, the black luxurious car he had seen lots of times through his childhood, with its driver seat window open.

He turned around, desperately wanting to be sure it was who he thought it was.

It had to be.

His father really had come to town.

But... sometimes people do really stupid things. Usually things they knew wouldn't be a good idea from the start, but always ended up being pushed towards it by some unknown force, that kept chanting it wouldn't be so bad after all.

The boy wasn't sure why, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe his father would offer him a ride home?

His voice yelled before his mind had even conjured up the words.

"Dad! Hey, dad! Over here!"

And his legs were already moving even though he hadn't decided to.

So it also came as a sudden when the window rolled up and the car let off, leaving the running blond behind without even a glance or hesitation.

As the snow covered again the place the car had just been, he tried convincing himself his father hadn't heard him, or that it was because of the green light signaling him to go, he couldn't stop for too long...

He put his hood back on and began running the way back home as fast as he could. It had really been a stupid idea.

His vision was blurry with tears caused by the wind blowing against his face. He had to hurry, get home before his father did, make sure everything was perfectly great so his father would be pleased. He had to. So he sped up and took a shortcut he had found out the last time he took the downtown walk. If he kept up this pace he would be home in 20 minutes, supposing his father would follow the train rail road, it would leave him something between 5 to 10 minutes to prepare things and tell everyone about it.

He ran.

Indeed, 20 minutes later he got home, banging the front-door behind him and taking in the surroundings.

It seemed Missus Kate had already cleaned everything up and prepared the house for guests. So he bolted upstairs to his room. He closed the door and dashed to his drawers, fumbling with his best attires, he had to be well-dressed for his father, after all.

Only when he had already discarded his hoodie somewhere around his bed and started undoing his jeans, Oz heard the hesitating boy clearing his throat.

"Um... I-I'm... still he-here..."

Oh.

Oz turned around, and spotted the younger boy lying in his bed turned to the side, facing the wall and close eyed.

The instant fright from being pulled back from his thoughts gone, Oz felt just plain anxious.

"Wait, wait, what are you doing?! Here, get dressed, hurry, we don't have much time left." And Oz flew to Gilbert's dresser and took out his most formal clothes, throwing them at the confused boy.

"B-but..."

While Gilbert stuttered, Oz changed and then ran to his uncle's office room, knocking and then waiting for the usual "come in!"...

"Come in!"

He did.

"Hey uncle, why haven't you said anything to me that dad would be coming here today? You said you would!"

Oz waited for an answer, but his uncle's expression was as blank as the page he was holding.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"What?!"

"Oz, your father won't be coming home today... where did you get that idea from? Boy, I think you've studied so much it started to get to your brain, in a bad way." His uncle chuckled and stretched over his desk to ruffle his already messed up hair.

"But, uncle!"

"_But uncle_ what?"

"I... I saw his car and..."

His uncle then frowned, clearly not pleased to hear his arguments about it.

"What do you mean, you saw it? Where?"

"Uh... I've taken a quick walk to the city... to... to... check about that new thing everyone was talking about... what was it... ah, yes! That Walkman thing! I went there to see what was that!"

He almost face palmed himself. That was so ridiculous even Ada would be able to tell it was made up.

"So?"

"And then when I was checking my hair out in this store showcase I saw his car, I even turned around to go talk to him... but... he drove off..."  
Oz chewed on his lip as he remembered the scene. It had been so strange...

"Um... Oz, for all I know, he will be coming by the end of the week, around Friday or so, and it's still Tuesday. Go rest, play with Gilbert, I don't know... but don't worry about it."

Oz wanted to ask why, why hadn't he said anything about the car or why he shouldn't worry... but his uncle seemed to be tired of that topic and his tone had been final.

So his bedroom he went, and laid on his bed, an arm covering his eyes.

"Hey Oz, are you alright?"

He didn't answer, because, in all honesty.. he didn't knew.

He kept pondering over the car episode. It could have been someone else? There were many people who had that kind of car in the city, he had heard...

He got lost in his thoughts, until the room got dark and Gilbert seemed to wake up to turn a light on.

"Gil has never met my father, has he?"

Gilbert seemed surprised by the question, shaking his head no.

His father hadn't come home for 2 years, the time Gilbert had been there, so it would be Gil's first time meeting him.

"Uncle said he will be coming here Friday."

"That's nice."

Oz turned his head and watched Gil, the boy's lips a thin line curved upwards in the corners, his hair all tangled around the pillows, it looked a lot like... seaweed? Oz chuckled at the thought while Gil too turned to the side, some strands of hair falling over his forehead and eyes, and stared at him with his ever blushing cheeks.

Cute.

It reminded Oz of the pretty girls in his classes. Their cheeks too were like that when he complimented them or something.

A quick glance to the side. The clock marked 8:46 pm.

"Gil, did you mean all that you said earlier today?"

Golden eyes widened, and the room stood silent for minutes that seemed hours, or seconds, Oz wasn't sure.

He had pushed the whole conversation to the back of his head during great part of the day, though now it seemed something he couldn't keep avoiding forever.

_Forever..._

"Yes."

The clock still read 8:46 pm.

Oz took in his answer.

_Yes..._

"Okay. Thank you, Gil."

"... wh-what for..?"

"I don't know..."

And then again, people do stupid things sometimes.

He had known that.

It seemed a great idea, though.

So he got up from his bed, sure it would be okay, and crawled silently on all fours to the other boy's bed. His blond hair messy as he sat by the side of the bed and ran a hand through it.

The boy's pretty golden eyes wide, his blush too spread across his nose and to his ears. He always got like this when Oz got too close, he realized.

Consummating his stupid actions disguised as great ideas, he climbed up to sit above the boy's waist, and then bent down and gave the boy a quick peck on the cheek.

He could feel him shaking under him.

He also could feel his own hands shaking.

Seconds later it dawned on him.. what the hell had that been for?

It had seemed a great idea, except it wasn't.

So he got down from the near fainting boy, in hopes his heartbeat was fooling him and he wasn't all that messed up, and crawled back to his own bed.

Pulling the comforter over his body and turning to the wall, he mumbled the other boy a goodnight, but didn't sleep.

Not yet.

The lime colored wall and his thoughts kept him entertained for over two hours. Until he turned to the side, seeing Gilbert had already fallen asleep.

He got up quietly, carefully making his way to his dresser. He hadn't changed from his fancy blouses and trousers. He couldn't sleep like that either. He made no noise when opening the drawer, nor when looking for his soft green pajamas, and not a single sound when changing.

Tiptoeing back to his bed, he climbed over the mattress, and fell limp on the comfy comforters. Rolling over so he was covered by them, finally, he fell asleep.

Another dreamless dawn.

Another cold sun rising.

Two daily snowstorms passed by, eating up all of Oz's patience with anxiety, leaving no room for awkward feelings around Gilbert or his uncle.

Then it was Friday.

A quiet sigh. The back of a hand rubbing leisurely over the sleepiness on his closed eyes. Chest in a soft pattern of heaving up, then down.  
Green made itself known, scanning around the room and then out of the window.

Snow.

Blond hair all messy, the boy got up.

Walking through the room, reaching the door. His head felt heavy, he didn't know why.

Hallway silent, Oz decided to pay his little sister a morning visit. She had said she wanted to play tea party with him a little.

Opening the door, he walked in quietly, then made his way through the pile of dolls and plush in the floor.

Her blond hair too messed up all over her head, some strands curled even around her thin wrists. He chuckled, running his fingers through some of them, untying knots that formed in the ends. Her matching emerald-green eyes opened slightly, a smile forming on her face.

"Nee-san"

"Good morning, Ada. Did you sleep well?"

She nodded.

He brushed her bangs a little more, then let her get up to hug him.

She was 5 years old, and was what Oz thought a younger and feminine version of himself. People said that too.

"What do you say, we play with your dolls a little, huh?"

She grinned and nodded fiercely, leaving his embrace to gather scattered dolls around their feet. She had no organization, though she was still a 5 years old girl so it should be okay.

"So, while you set things up, I'll go take a quick trip to the bathroom. I'll be right back, 'kay?"

"Nee-san, go call Gilbert too!"

Oz chuckled, waving his hand in a "whatever" motion.

He headed to the bathroom in the end of the hall. The wood walls were cold, true winter. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, combing his hair a little, making little effort to tame it, since it was useless. Back to his room, he walked over to the tiny pile of covers and raven hair, shaking him a little.

"Gil. Gil, wake up."

The boy mumbled a yes and then unfolded himself from the sea of comforters. He stretched and sat, rubbing his eyes and chewing on his lip. He usually woke up on his own and before Oz.

"Ada wants us to play with her, go wash your face and come to her room."

Oz waited until Gilbert entered the bathroom and left to Ada's room.

"Where's Gil?"

"He is coming."

His head still felt heavy, it was not a good sign...

"Good morning, little miss Ada!" Gil's cheerful voice took Oz back to place. Right, play with Ada.

Ada squealed and ran to hug the raven haired boy, really content to have him there too.

She then led them to their respective places in her tea-table. For around an hour the three of them played tea party with her dolls and plushies, and then left for breakfast.

Only then Oz realized he had forgotten his slippers in his room, he excused himself out of the table, and walked up the stairs to him room.

There, he searched for them. Under the bed, right.

He was ready to leave the room, slippers on and everything... but the window made him stop dead on his tracks. A black car parked in front of the house.

Not any ordinary black car.

His father's.

He wasn't sure if he should run out of the door and greet him or keep hiding inside his bedroom until his uncle said he could come see his him.  
So he waited.

And then decided to come back to the breakfast table, there his uncle would tell him what to do.

He took cautious steps down the stairs, sure if he ran he would run into a vase or something, of how much he had anticipated that day.

His father had finally came home.

Maybe to see him!

He took his seat, and looked over to his uncle, who seemed to know what that was all about. He cleared his throat.

"Um... everyone. So, earlier this week, I had said that Zai was coming, right? Well... he's heading over here right now, so listen carefully: I want you all to change into proper clothes, fix hair, this kind of stuff. Oz, you stay in your room until I tell you to come out. Gilbert, as soon as you're ready, come to my office. Ada, stay with Missus Kate... That's it, now go."

Oz's hands were shaking. He got up from his chair and walked upstairs, changed back into the clothes he wore the other day and waited. Gil had come to pick his own attire, but then left to change in the bathroom. After that he hadn't seen him anymore.

So he waited.

_..._

The pastel green colored walls were making him nauseous. It had been hours since he'd been told to stay waiting inside there. No one came. The small hands busied themselves, absently minded tying knots in a spare chord he had found under his bed. He kept glancing at the door and then back to the clock, impatient, anxious, waiting.

The snow fell, as he glanced outside the window.

"No one will come", he heard himself whispering.

The boy's mind had been chanting endlessly him so for a long while, since he entered the room. He tuned out the voice, but eventually it seemed pointless. He didn't want to believe it, but the hours passed as he waited and no one came.

The room suddenly seemed colder, the walls heavier and the sky outside the window darker. There was something about realization that made the air he breathed thicker, almost unreliable. He didn't want to accept just yet that his father was pushing him away once again.

The voice seemed louder now, not as present as before, but louder. Thunderous self telling him his father didn't want him around. So loud. So merciless.

Rustling the sheets and turning himself around, a second voice asking, begging the first to stop. He didn't want to know. Then a third, he didn't pay attention to until the tone echoed breathing close to his neck, then touches, urgent, shaking him awake.

"Oz! Oz, are you feeling well? if you are then get up, it's time for dinner!" His uncle called, his voice cautious but demanding. No escaping it.  
He did, just so he could run away from the company of the voices in his head. Distraction.

Downstairs, everything was as if his father weren't there. Actually, Oz didn't see him, and his insides were shaking with anticipation. Had he been hallucinating over again?

It had happened before. Situations on which his mind and body went through too much emotional effort he'd get like this. He wouldn't show any signs of how the thing really affected him until two weeks or so; the bigger the strain the longer the blackouts and hallucinations would take to come. However, he didn't feel like it was the case. He just couldn't have been doing it... no... it just couldn't be...

"Oz? Are you there?" his uncle called but Oz had to sit down.

"...it can't be, it can't be, it can't be.." His hands were holding his head, it hurt.

He felt like going back to sleep, maybe he was still dreaming. He had nightmares very often so maybe he could just try to wake up.

Lying on his side, his lips moved chanting a silent "wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up" while he held his ears. He didn't want to listen to anything. His own mind was already loud enough and it hurt.

Soon he was falling asleep, or maybe waking up, he didn't want to know.

"Nee -san!? Uncle, come here! Fast!" was the last thing he heard from outside the confines he had trapped himself into, then there was nothing.


End file.
